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Why Waitressing was not for me.

Waitressing was not for me.
A job trial, nice cup of tea?
No, try a high street Italian restaurant.
Where my one great pull was
boss wanted me to tutor his child.
Saw I had an MA in Creative Writing.
They all seemed really a pleasant bunch.
I washed up, served, stacked cups.
But while working alongside the incredibly polished waiter
I suffered the heebie jeebies.
I mean it’s not like unfolding and refolding a table-cloth was really that difficult.
But remember I am saying why waitressing was not for me.
Try serving people at a frantic pace,
in a way yes, I had a charm and flair,
but folding table-cloths in front of Mr Debonair?
I guess they put up with me yet were polite.
I did my best and at least I did not drop plates but,
when they paid me for my one day trial,

I knew it was my first and last.
Bless them, they made me pasta

Alas, arodavercci!
Now I know why waitressing was not for me.

Serving drinks with bon ami.
Paying lip service, not a chance.
Highly expectant customers, fair enough.
This might not have been Fawlty Towers but neither was it The Savoy.
I will stick to writing books. Why?
Because waitressing was not for me.

About Geraldine Ward

Geraldine Ward has been writing and performing various forms of poetry and prose from an early age, and is a regular contributor at the London Farrago Poetry Slam nights. She has published a number of books including the "Now" collection, and has featured in other publications including Katie Metcalfe's "Beautiful Scruffiness" series of magazines.


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